30 Essential Rules of Marriage Best Marriage Advice Tips for Lasting Love
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30 Essential Rules of Marriage: Best Marriage Advice Tips for Lasting Love
Let’s be real for a second. Nobody stands at the altar thinking, “I can’t wait to have our first big argument about who left the wet towel on the bed.” We’re all dreaming of the sunset walks and laughing so hard you snort. But then real life happens. The dog gets sick, work gets crazy, and you find yourself having a heated debate about the correct way to load a dishwasher.
After more than a decade of my own marriage (and collecting wisdom from couples who’ve been at it for 50+ years), I’ve learned that lasting love isn’t about avoiding the arguments. It’s about building a partnership that can survive them. It’s less about grand gestures and more about the tiny, daily choices you make.
So, grab a coffee, and let’s chat about the real rules of the game. These aren’t from a stuffy textbook; they’re from the front lines.
The Foundation: Building Your Unshakeable Base
Before we get into the nitty-gritty, you need a solid foundation. You can’t build a skyscraper on sand, and you can’t build a lasting marriage without these core principles.
Choose Your Partner Wisely (Yeah, It’s a Little Late for Some of Us, But Hear Me Out)
This seems obvious, right? But I’m not just talking about love. You need to like them. Are they your favorite person to talk to? Do you respect their character? Because let’s be honest, love’s fiery passion can sometimes feel like a faint ember when you’re both sleep-deprived and covered in baby spit-up. Liking your spouse as a human being is the secret fuel that keeps the engine running long after the new-car smell has faded.
Prioritize Your Partnership
Your marriage is the core relationship. It comes before the kids, before the jobs, before the demanding extended family. This might sound harsh, but a strong parental unit is the best gift you can give your children. Have regular date nights. Protect your time together like a mama bear protects her cubs. When you nurture the core, everything else flourishes.
Teamwork Really Does Make the Dream Work
You’re on the same team. Repeat that to yourself when you’re frustrated. The problem isn’t your partner; the problem is the problem. Are you fighting each other, or are you fighting the issue together? This mental shift changes everything. It’s you and them versus the challenge, not you versus them.
The Daily Grind: Habits for a Happy Home
This is where the rubber meets the road. These are the small, daily actions that prevent resentment from moving in and setting up a permanent guest room.
Communicate, But Actually Listen More
We all know communication is key. But IMO, listening is the actual lock it turns. Active listening means putting down your phone, making eye contact, and truly hearing what they’re saying without already formulating your defense. It’s hard! But it’s everything. Ever noticed how a simple “I hear you, that sounds really frustrating” can completely defuse a situation?
Appreciation is Your Superpower
Thank them. For everything. For taking out the trash, for making dinner, for working hard for your family. Feeling unseen and unappreciated is a silent killer of marriages. A little gratitude goes a ridiculously long way. Try it today. Watch their face light up.
Pick Your Battles Like a Pro
Is this the hill you want to die on? Is the fact that they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle instead of the end really worth a 20-minute argument? Spoiler alert: it’s not. Let the small stuff go. Save your energy for the conversations that truly matter, like finances, parenting, or where to go on vacation. 🙂
Keep Dating Each Other
Remember when you used to get dressed up and be on your best behavior? Why did that stop? Regular, intentional time together where you talk about something other than bills and logistics is non-negotiable. It doesn’t have to be fancy. A walk around the block while holding hands counts. A coffee date without distractions counts. Protect this time fiercely.
Maintain Your Own Identity
You were a whole person before you got married. Stay that way. Have your own hobbies, your own friends, and your own goals. It makes you more interesting and prevents you from putting the immense pressure of your entire happiness on one person’s shoulders. It’s healthy!
Navigating the Inevitable Stormy Weather
Conflict isn’t a sign of a bad marriage; it’s a sign of a real one. It’s how you handle it that counts.
Fight Fair (Or How to Argue Without Causing Nuclear Winter)
No name-calling. No bringing up past, already-resolved issues. No low blows. Stick to the topic at hand and use “I feel” statements instead of “You always” accusations. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when the kitchen is messy” works way better than “You are such a slob!” See the difference?
Never Go to Bed Angry (But Maybe Sometimes Take a Breather)
The old adage has some merit, but it’s not a hard-and-fast rule. Sometimes, you’re both tired and irrational. It’s okay to say, “I love you, this is important, but let’s talk about this in the morning when we’ve had some sleep.” Going to bed angry is better than staying up all night saying things you can’t take back.
Learn Their Apology Language
You’ve heard of love languages, but have you heard of apology languages? Some people need a verbal “I’m sorry.” Others need a hug. Some need to see you fix the mistake. Figure out what makes your partner feel truly heard and forgiven, and learn to speak it.
Assume the Best Intentions
Your partner is not a villain trying to ruin your day. Did they forget to stop for milk? They didn’t do it to spite you; they probably just forgot. We’re so quick to assign malice to what is usually just forgetfulness or a simple mistake. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Keeping the Spark Alive (Yes, That Spark)
Intimacy is more than just sex. It’s connection. But the physical part is pretty important, too.
Physical Touch is a Constant
Hold hands. Hug for at least twenty seconds (it releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone!). Give a random kiss as you pass in the hallway. Prioritize non-sexual touch so that physical connection isn’t only associated with the lead-up to sex. It builds a constant sense of closeness.
Talk About Sex
It can be awkward, but talk about what you like, what you don’t like, and how your desires might be changing. A healthy sex life requires communication just like everything else. FYI, assuming everything is fine is a surefire way to ensure it won’t be for long.
Be Your Partner’s Biggest Fan
Celebrate their wins like they’re your own. Because they are! Be their chief encourager, their safe space, and their personal cheerleader. When the world is tough, home should be the soft place to land.
Laugh. A Lot.
Never stop laughing together. Watch funny movies, reminisce about silly memories, be weird together. Shared joy and laughter are a powerful glue. Can you even remember your last big fight after you’ve just laughed until you cried? Exactly.
The Long Game: Growing Together, Not Apart
People change over decades. The goal isn’t to prevent change, but to evolve together.
Create Shared Goals
What do you want your life to look like in five years? Ten? Talk about it! Dream together. Do you want to travel? Retire early? Learn to sail? Having shared goals gives you a common purpose and something exciting to work towards as a team.
Check-In Regularly
Have a weekly “state of the union” chat. How are we really doing? Not just logistically, but emotionally. What’s working? What’s not? This isn’t a formal meeting; it can be over a glass of wine on the couch. It nags small issues before they become giant problems.
Forgive and Actually Let It Go
Holding onto grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. You have to truly forgive and let things go. Not for them, but for your own peace and the health of your marriage. Carrying the past is a heavy burden.
Remember Why You Started
When things get tough, actively remember the good times. Look at your wedding photos. Tell the story of your first date. Reconnect with the people you were when you fell in love. That couple is still in there.
So, there you have it. Thirty rules, but really, it all boils down to one big one: choose each other, every single day. Choose to be kind. Choose to listen. Choose to laugh. Choose to fight fair.
It’s not always easy, but I can tell you from experience, it’s always worth it. Now, go give your person a hug. And maybe don’t mention the toothpaste thing. 😉
