How to Become the Best Version of Yourself Emotional Availability Self-Growth Tips
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to be a rock for everyone else while your own internal world feels like a storm you are trying to ignore? We live in a culture that prizes productivity and constant movement, often at the expense of our own emotional clarity. We are taught to show up for our friends, our jobs, and our families, but we rarely learn how to show up for ourselves. Becoming the best version of yourself is not just about hitting fitness goals or climbing a career ladder; it starts with something much deeper and more quiet: emotional availability to yourself. This is the practice of creating a safe harbor within your own mind where honesty can exist without the fear of punishment or self-criticism.
Understanding the Concept of Inner Availability
When we talk about emotional availability, we usually frame it in the context of romantic relationships. We ask if a partner is ready to connect or if they are emotionally “shut birth.” However, the most foundational relationship you will ever have is the one with your own conscious mind. Being emotionally available to yourself means having the capacity to sit with your feelings—the good, the bad, and the incredibly uncomfortable—without immediately trying to suppress them or explain them away.
Think of your emotions as messengers. When you are emotionally unavailable to yourself, you are essentially slamming the door in the face of these messengers before they can deliver their notes. You might tell yourself to get over it or stay so busy that you cannot hear what your heart is trying to say. By doing this, you aren’t just ignoring a temporary mood; you are teaching your nervous system that it is not safe to feel. Real growth begins when you decide to open that door and listen.
The Hidden Signs You Are Emotionally Unavailable to Yourself
It can be difficult to recognize self-abandonment because it often wears the mask of “being strong” or “being a go-getter.” Identifying these patterns is the first step toward breaking them. Here are some of the most common signs that you might be distancing yourself from your own internal experience:
- The Busy Trap: You find yourself constantly moving from one task to the next. The moment a quiet minute arises, you reach for your phone or find a new chore because sitting in silence feels heavy or threatening.
- Dismissive Self-Talk: When you feel hurt or overwhelmed, your first instinct is to say, “It is not a big deal” or “I should be stronger than this.” You downplay your own pain to avoid the vulnerability of acknowledging it.
- Judging Instead of Listening: Instead of asking why you feel angry, you get angry at yourself for being angry. You label your emotions as “weak,” “dramatic,” or “unproductive.”
- The Breaking Point Pattern: You only allow yourself to cry or feel the weight of your life when things completely fall apart. Since you do not process small stressors, they build up until a total collapse is the only way your body can get your attention.
The Impact on Your Nervous System
When you consistently ignore your emotions, your body stays in a state of high alert. Your nervous system does not distinguish between an external threat and an internal one that is being suppressed. By judging your feelings, you create an internal environment of “punishment.” Over time, this leads to chronic stress, burnout, and a feeling of being disconnected from your own life. You might feel like you are watching your life happen from the outside rather than actually living it.
How to Build a Bridge Back to Your Feelings
If you have spent years ignoring your inner world, the idea of suddenly “feeling everything” can be daunting. The goal is not to be overwhelmed by your emotions, but to become a compassionate observer of them. You can start building this emotional availability through small, intentional shifts in your daily routine.
Slow Down and Name the Feeling
One of the simplest yet most transformative things you can do is pause and put a label on what you are experiencing. Use the phrase: “Right now, I am feeling…” and fill in the blank. It could be “anxious,” “lonely,” “frustrated,” or even “neutral.” The key here is to name it without trying to fix it. Usually, we feel something uncomfortable and immediately jump into problem-solving mode. By just naming the feeling, you validate its existence and allow it to pass through you naturally.
The Friend Test
We are often our own harshest critics. To build emotional availability, you must change the tone of your internal monologue. Ask yourself: “Would I say this to a close friend who was feeling this way?” If a friend told you they were overwhelmed, you wouldn’t tell them to “just get over it.” You would offer them a seat and a listening ear. Developing this same level of warmth toward yourself is a hallmark of the best version of you.
The Role of Curiosity Over Criticism
Self-improvement often fails because it is rooted in self-hatred. We try to change because we think our current self is “bad.” True, lasting evolution comes from curiosity. When you feel a sharp pang of jealousy or a sudden wave of sadness, instead of criticizing the feeling, get curious about it. Where is this coming from? What is this feeling trying to protect me from? When you approach yourself with curiosity, the ego drops its guard, and real healing can begin.
Practicing Daily Check-Ins
You wouldn’t expect a garden to grow if you only watered it once a year. Similarly, you cannot expect to be emotionally resilient if you only check in with yourself during a crisis. Set a timer on your phone for three minutes a day. During this time, close your eyes and scan your body. Notice where you are holding tension. Ask yourself how you are doing and actually wait for the answer. This practice builds “emotional muscle memory,” making it easier to stay grounded when life gets chaotic.
Validation Before Problem Solving
We are a society of “fixers.” We want to find the solution and move on. However, your emotions require validation before they require a solution. Validation is the act of acknowledging that a feeling makes sense given the circumstances. For example, instead of saying “I shouldn’t be stressed about this meeting,” try saying “It makes sense that I am stressed because I want to do a good job.” Once the emotion feels heard, its intensity usually drops, allowing your logical brain to step in and handle the situation more effectively.
Creating Space for Honesty Without Punishment
To be truly available to yourself, you must promise yourself that no matter what you feel, you will not punish yourself for it. This means letting go of the “shoulds.” I should be happy. I should be further along in life. These are all forms of internal punishment. When you remove the threat of judgment, your subconscious mind becomes more willing to share the truth with you. This radical honesty is the bedrock of authentic self-growth.
Why This Path Leads to Your Best Self
You might wonder how sitting with your feelings helps you become more successful or “better.” The truth is that when you are emotionally available to yourself, you stop leaking energy into suppression and denial. That energy can then be redirected toward your goals, your creativity, and your relationships. You become more discerning because you can hear your intuition. You become more resilient because you are no longer afraid of your own discomfort. You become a leader in your own life because you are no longer running away from who you are.
Conclusion: The Journey of Returning to You
Becoming the best version of yourself is a lifelong journey of returning to your own heart. It is a commitment to stop running, stop hiding, and finally show up for the person in the mirror. By slowing down, naming your feelings, and replacing criticism with a gentle curiosity, you build a foundation that no external storm can shake. This process isn’t always easy or comfortable, but it is the most rewarding work you will ever do. Remember that growth is not about becoming someone new; it is about uncovering the incredible, capable, and emotionally rich person who has been there all along. Start today by taking one deep breath and asking yourself: “How am I really doing?” and then, for once, stay long enough to hear the answer.
Would you like me to generate a series of journal prompts to help you implement these emotional check-ins?
